A new reader here, mother of five. That was a beautiful read and, wow, such a difficult labor and birth! You endured so much with such strength.
I really appreciate your compassion and understanding for your husband: “But the father sometimes watches his wife tremble at the veil, and he feels helpless, as usually he is. That helpless feeling is typically what makes an event traumatic, instead of just challenging or very hard.”
This idea has shaped my expectation of my husband in my labor since my first pregnancy. I don’t often see it expressed so kindly, and if a father expresses trepidation to walk willingly into such helplessness, it is often downplayed as though he might be immature or uncaring. Thank you for putting it here.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Leah! In the immediate aftermath it was easy to have some negative feelings toward my husband. Over time I realized this was misplaced anger and helplessness I was feeling about having been so vulnerable, and he being the one to witness it. Once I was able to confront that I realized how much he had to go through too. I suspect a great deal of husbands deserve more credit in this regard, though I also know a lot try very little to be of help or service before, during, and after birth — that is the unfortunate truth I’ve seen as a doula. But there are a lot of amazing husbands out there that deserve more support and credit — and that doesn’t mean we expect them to act perfectly at any stage of the matter.
I’m glad you were able to heal through what you both experienced in your first birth! It can all feel very complicated, I’m sure. I’m thankful for the support I’ve received from my husband, and my doulas throughout pregnancy to postpartum.
I recently wrote about doulas. I’m thankful for your kind! ;)
Wow. I've had 8 babies, with labors of varying intensity - but none quite like yours. You have been through a lot and I pray God will continue to heal you. Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings to you and yours!
Thank you, Melisa! We all have our crosses, fortunately I am beyond blessed in many other ways, and of course I am grateful to have gotten to take my baby home mostly unharmed! I would say God has mostly healed this for me, and part of that healing has been that I accept the story for what it was even if there are parts I can now look back upon more fondly! But I’m still hoping to get to as close to 8 babies as possible — we’ll see what God has in store!!
A new reader here, mother of five. That was a beautiful read and, wow, such a difficult labor and birth! You endured so much with such strength.
I really appreciate your compassion and understanding for your husband: “But the father sometimes watches his wife tremble at the veil, and he feels helpless, as usually he is. That helpless feeling is typically what makes an event traumatic, instead of just challenging or very hard.”
This idea has shaped my expectation of my husband in my labor since my first pregnancy. I don’t often see it expressed so kindly, and if a father expresses trepidation to walk willingly into such helplessness, it is often downplayed as though he might be immature or uncaring. Thank you for putting it here.
God bless you.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Leah! In the immediate aftermath it was easy to have some negative feelings toward my husband. Over time I realized this was misplaced anger and helplessness I was feeling about having been so vulnerable, and he being the one to witness it. Once I was able to confront that I realized how much he had to go through too. I suspect a great deal of husbands deserve more credit in this regard, though I also know a lot try very little to be of help or service before, during, and after birth — that is the unfortunate truth I’ve seen as a doula. But there are a lot of amazing husbands out there that deserve more support and credit — and that doesn’t mean we expect them to act perfectly at any stage of the matter.
I’m glad you were able to heal through what you both experienced in your first birth! It can all feel very complicated, I’m sure. I’m thankful for the support I’ve received from my husband, and my doulas throughout pregnancy to postpartum.
I recently wrote about doulas. I’m thankful for your kind! ;)
https://blessedendurance.substack.com/p/in-praise-of-the-doula?r=4bk5jy
Wow. I've had 8 babies, with labors of varying intensity - but none quite like yours. You have been through a lot and I pray God will continue to heal you. Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings to you and yours!
Thank you, Melisa! We all have our crosses, fortunately I am beyond blessed in many other ways, and of course I am grateful to have gotten to take my baby home mostly unharmed! I would say God has mostly healed this for me, and part of that healing has been that I accept the story for what it was even if there are parts I can now look back upon more fondly! But I’m still hoping to get to as close to 8 babies as possible — we’ll see what God has in store!!
Wow that’s a traumatic first birth, you’re so strong 🤍
Thank you, Eliza! I am a few years out now and there are some parts I can look back on fondly, and that has been a real grace.