Blessings to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s so important. Birth is wild and even if we do everything “right”, sometimes the outcome isn’t what we hoped for. Praying that the Lord will redeem this incredibly hard experience for you, I know He will in time. Much love to you. I would love to hear more about how your first birth impacted bonding.
Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement.
That’s a great question about bonding, and it’s something that my husband and I reflect on a lot.
We got pregnant with my second (who this story is about) when I was just 7 months postpartum with my first — so they are 16 months apart. It was totally driven by the Holy Spirit because logically we should have not wanted to get pregnant, for SO many reasons, but we just felt like someone was missing and God would take care of it. I’m so grateful for their close age gap because after my second was born my relationship with my eldest changed for the better. I would say that before I had my second my relationship with my eldest was definitely rocky. Fortunately she had a very secure attachment with her dad, but her and I never seemed to be able to sync up. I think I just felt so much shame, and when I would fail in some way with her always reminded me how inadequate of a mother I had been from the beginning. For some reason, after my second was born it was like a reset on our relationship and for my hormones. I just decided to be better, and that even if my kids deserved more than me they would only ever have me so I just had to step up to the plate. Not sure if that makes sense! I also think I understood more about hormones the second time so I capitalized on all the bonding hormones postpartum to not only bond with my new baby but also with my toddler. My eldest just turned 3 and I would say we have a very secure attachment and amazing relationship, we have a lot of trust and love where before it felt like we were strangers never speaking the same language. I’m so grateful that God used our openness to life to redeem what was broken! But I do want to write more about concrete things pertaining to bonding and overcoming undesirable birth outcomes.
Right now I’m working on taking more inspiration from Our Lady to become a better mother.
Thanks for willingness to share that! In regard to your kids having only you, that makes perfect sense. Our strength is made perfect in weakness. I’ve only been a mom for five weeks, (lol!) but I have reminded myself over and over that my daughter and I are meant for one another. God chose me to be her mother which makes me the perfect mother for her even though I am not perfect.
Blessings to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s so important. Birth is wild and even if we do everything “right”, sometimes the outcome isn’t what we hoped for. Praying that the Lord will redeem this incredibly hard experience for you, I know He will in time. Much love to you. I would love to hear more about how your first birth impacted bonding.
Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement.
That’s a great question about bonding, and it’s something that my husband and I reflect on a lot.
We got pregnant with my second (who this story is about) when I was just 7 months postpartum with my first — so they are 16 months apart. It was totally driven by the Holy Spirit because logically we should have not wanted to get pregnant, for SO many reasons, but we just felt like someone was missing and God would take care of it. I’m so grateful for their close age gap because after my second was born my relationship with my eldest changed for the better. I would say that before I had my second my relationship with my eldest was definitely rocky. Fortunately she had a very secure attachment with her dad, but her and I never seemed to be able to sync up. I think I just felt so much shame, and when I would fail in some way with her always reminded me how inadequate of a mother I had been from the beginning. For some reason, after my second was born it was like a reset on our relationship and for my hormones. I just decided to be better, and that even if my kids deserved more than me they would only ever have me so I just had to step up to the plate. Not sure if that makes sense! I also think I understood more about hormones the second time so I capitalized on all the bonding hormones postpartum to not only bond with my new baby but also with my toddler. My eldest just turned 3 and I would say we have a very secure attachment and amazing relationship, we have a lot of trust and love where before it felt like we were strangers never speaking the same language. I’m so grateful that God used our openness to life to redeem what was broken! But I do want to write more about concrete things pertaining to bonding and overcoming undesirable birth outcomes.
Right now I’m working on taking more inspiration from Our Lady to become a better mother.
Thanks for willingness to share that! In regard to your kids having only you, that makes perfect sense. Our strength is made perfect in weakness. I’ve only been a mom for five weeks, (lol!) but I have reminded myself over and over that my daughter and I are meant for one another. God chose me to be her mother which makes me the perfect mother for her even though I am not perfect.